Boy Meets Girl

It's the story you've heard time and time again.

Boy meets girl.
Boy pursues girl.
Boy proposes to girl.
Girl says yes.
They live happily ever after.

Only not.

Our story is more complicated. And yet, it's all so simple.

Boy meets girl.
Girls is unavailable.
Boy and girl work together.
Boy and girl become great friends.
Girl is available.
Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.
Boy proposes to girl.
Girl says yes.
Boy gets deployed.
Girl plans a wedding.

I'm that girl, welcome to my blog.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Girl breaks down

Boy proposes to Girl.
Girl says yes.
Boy goes to war.
Girl plans a wedding.
Girl misses Boy.
Girl gets overwhelmed.
Girl breaks down.

I walked in the living room in a daze.
I could hear my mom talking but I wasn't listening to her words.
"We need to talk... I think this wedding is stressing you out."
Then came the tears.
And the breakdown.

I sat in her living room that night and we talked through all the things on my mind.
The wedding that I couldn't seem to make any decisions about.
The boy I love that is across the country.
The happy time this is supposed to be but what it was turning into.

We decided it was time to find a solution.

"What is most important to you?" She asked me.
As I thought through that question... REALLY thought through it, I came to a simple conclusion. There were 3 things that were important to me:
1. That I marry J
2. That we are surrounded by the people that are closest to us
3. That we have beautiful pictures

Did I care about the colors or the bridesmaid dresses or the centerpieces?
Not so much.
Did it really matter if we had a garter and bouquet toss?
Not when it came down to it.

At the end of the day...
the day that we save and spend so much money on...
the day that we plan for months on end for...
the day that takes weeks to prepare for and hours to get ready for...
at the end of that day what we have left is a marriage and pictures.

So I decided to simplify.

I am a wedding photographer. I see so many weddings every year. In addition to the weddings I shoot myself... I read tons and tons of blogs. Blogs of my photographer friends, wedding planning blogs, blogs that feature real weddings... SO MANY BLOGS.

There is a sense in which I started to feel this pressure when I got engaged.
I started out with plans of planning this super wonderful wedding with 100 of our closest friends and family. I wanted it to be a great reflection of us individually and as a a couple. I wanted it to be unique... full of things that had never been done before.

Then somewhere along the line things got blurred... I felt like suddenly I was planning a wedding and thinking about all the blogs... instead of about our wedding. Suddenly the wedding felt like it was getting in the way of being married to the man I love.

Believe me, I am all for weddings. I'm a wedding photographer, DUH! But at the end of the day, it comes down to one thing. Being married. Marrying the man I love. Becoming his wife. Everything else is secondary.

So after deciding what was important to me, I was able to make more decisions.
This was HUGE.
I haven't been able to make a decision to save my life!

The first decision was this: I no longer wanted to wait an entire year.
J found out he would have R&R (rest and relaxation... where they send the soldiers home for 2 weeks to get a little break) during March. We decided that would be a perfect time for us to get married.

Next we decided that we wanted to go away... do a semi-eloping kind of destination wedding. As for where to do it... well that will take a whole blog of it's own.

We also decided we would keep the wedding to just our close family.
About 30 people.
Simple, small, understated.
No big ceremony venue with lots of decorations... something simple and outside would be perfect.
No big reception with tables and centerpieces and seating charts... a simple dinner at a restaurant instead.
Our bridal party? Yes, we still want them, but they will be more honorary. And they can pick what they wear :)

I alluded to some of this in my blog yesterday about my brooch bouquet. Because of these changes, we will not be able to have everyone we love at our wedding. But our family and friends are so important to us. We want to have a piece of you there with us. And we are working on some pretty cool things so that you can share in the day with us anyway. More on that coming.

As for the photographer... again, that is a whole other blog... however I will say this. One of the 2 things left at the end of this day will be the photos. And being a photographer myself, I know how important the photos really are. So so so important. The most important thing to me aside from the actual marriage. So we will be bringing a photographer with us. We will be carving out a very large chunk of our day for pictures. I am planning pictures as well as a wedding. I know this is where the majority of our budget will go and it will be well worth it. Because when the flowers have died, the dresses have been hung in the back of the closet, the centerpieces are trashed, the cake is eaten... what remains is the marriage of two people who love each other, and the pictures documenting that love.

And so the preparations begin. We now have 4 months instead of 12. And lots of decisions to make. But not nearly as many. I am so much more relaxed knowing that I will get to be married to J in only 4 months! And that this is so us. Relaxed, laid back, and simple.

I can't wait to share the rest of the details with you! Because believe me... even for a simple, relaxed, laid back wedding, there will be details :)


Chels said...

I think that is a fabulous idea D! I back you 100% and I think it seems more like you...from what I know ( though we've never officially met in person).

Your day will be beautiful and so will you and all that matters is that you are marrying the man of your dreams and you'll be together. Everything secondary...and on the day of the wedding...that's all your thinking about is each other...not the center pieces. Your Momma, is a smart woman to sit you down ;)

Carter & Cook Event Co. said...

love this. perfect description of what a weddings means - your marriage! -ac

Trang Luong said...

Hi Diandra, Just read your blog, way to go girl! I've been married for 15 years and 3 kids later, we did a small and very simple wedding! We went to Hawaii to get married, just us and my husbands best friend (best man) who then became my maid of honor, witness and photographer! It was the best! No stress, no fuss simple in a park at the bottom of Diamond Head park overlooking the ocean at sunset! A girlfriend had made my dress the guys wore white shirts and shorts with bow ties bought at JC Penneys. I had my hair done wore a head lei and the guys wore traditonal wedding leis ans that was pretty much it! When we got back home a few weeks later our families had an outdoor BBQ for us with all our friends and family! Less stress is the best! We didn't spend a fortune, we got to stay longer for our honeymoon and it was just us, no bells and whistles! Thankyou for your time! I hope all goes well for you! And yes I would love your address to send you broches!
-Trang M. Luong
P.O. Bx 2562
Forks,WA 98331

Girl said...

Thanks girls!

@Trang I just sent you my address. What a sweet offer! I would love to have a brooch from you! :)

Bianca said...


You're doing the right thing.

Jordan said...

That sounds PERFECT!! :-)

Grammie said...

I just can't tell you how proud of you we are! I've been concerned all along because as I've told you in the past, plan a marriage and the wedding is secondary! I say God is good to give you parents with good advice. Good for your Mom. After all, she's been through it too you remember. I look back over 54 years ago and I remember how tired I was and the fuss and fury over things that didn't even matter. Oh for some good advice at that time! That would have changed many things. So good for you. We're very proud of you! Love you! Grammie

Light said...

Though you made this decision a long time ago...once you get there...the marriage is wonderful! Enjoy every minute of it...the planning and the event itself.

Looking forward to seeing the rest of your journey through your blog!